


Old Endings and New Beginnings

by Laparoscopic



Category: El Goonish Shive
Genre: AU, F/F, Family, Gender Swapping, Grief, Loss, Love, Magic, Motherhood, Multi, OT3, Polyamory, Pregnancy, Romance, Transformation, maternity, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 11:47:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8326699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laparoscopic/pseuds/Laparoscopic
Summary: Time passes. Things change. New things come to light.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is very much AU from most of my other EGS stories. 
> 
> So, in my spare time I’ve been working on the story of the my favorite triad’s first sexual experience together. [Update: See _The Scientist, the Squirrel, and the Artist_ ]. Apparently my subconscious decided that this was way too cheery and upbeat for me to be dealing with all the time, and this second story came burbling up out of the depths.
> 
> I started writing EGS fanfic in the winter of 2016, when the story of Elliot & Ashley’s first date (and meeting Tara and Andrea for the first time) was just wrapping up. So that’s where my AU diverges from Dan’s.

Sarah was in the middle of mixing a batch of Christmas cookie dough when the house chimed and said “Phone call from Susan Maiello.”

“Accept, here,” Sarah directed. Susan’s face popped up in a window next to her recipe on the kitchen screen. Sarah pushed a lock of hair out of her eyes with the back of her wrist. “Hey, Susan.”

“Hi, Sarah. Season’s greetings and all that.”

“Thanks. Back at’cha. How’re you doing?” Sarah dumped a cup of sugar into the mixing bowl and began to stir.

“Well, that’s why I’m calling, actually.”

Sarah turned her attention from the mixing bowl to Susan’s face, concerned, but Susan looked relaxed and happy, not tense. “What do you mean? Is something wrong?”

“Well, I contracted a parasitic growth a few months ago that’s going to take over my body for about another six months, but things should be good after that.”

Sarah blinked a few times at Susan’s image, before she managed to decode what her friend was saying. “Holy shit! Congratulations! That’s amazing news!” Sarah put down her bowl and mixing spoon and tapped the screen to expand Susan’s smiling face to full-screen.

“Mommy said the s-word!” came a little voice from behind her. Sarah suppressed a groan and turned to see Teddy coming into the kitchen.

“Yes, sweetie, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, but your Auntie Susan surprised me with good news.”

“Oh.” He looked puzzled. “I thought you only said the s-word when you were _angry_?” Sarah could hear Susan laughing.

“Take notes, Susan,” she tossed over her shoulder. “It’ll be your turn soon enough.” She turned back to Teddy. “Yes, usually, but also sometimes when I’m surprised.” Sarah picked him up so he could see the screen.

“Hi, Auntie Susan! Did you surprise mommy?”

“Hey, kiddo. I sure did.”

“With what? A present?”

“Not exactly. I told her I’m going to have a baby.”

“Oh.” He digested that for a moment. “Can I play with her?”

“Not yet. First they have to be born. But you can play with them in six or seven months.”

“That’s a long time.”

“I agree, but that’s how long we’ll have to wait.”

“Oh.” Sarah whispered into his ear. “Well, con-grad-ulations, Auntie Susan.”

“Thanks, kiddo.”

Sarah said, “Can you go play with Elliot, sweetie, so I can talk with Auntie Susan for a little bit?”

“Can I have a cookie?”

“They’re not ready yet. You can each have one when they’re baked.”

“Okay. Bye bye!”

“Bye, Teddy. Have fun with Elliot.”

Sarah put Teddy down, and he pelted from the room. He rarely moved at anything less than a full run, except on those occasions when he moved so quietly that Sarah was convinced that he was part ninja. She turned back to the screen and grinned at Susan. “So, yeah, congrats. Is Marco happy?”

“He’s ecstatic. Almost as thrilled as his mother.”

Sarah laughed; she’d only met Mrs. Maiello once, at the wedding, but Susan ranted about her often enough. “Good luck with that. Your mom thrilled too?”

“Maybe not ‘thrilled’, but happy, yes.”

Sarah’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

“Yeah, Marc has been slowly winning her over. She’s even conceded once or twice that maybe not _all_ men are scum.”

“Ah, high praise indeed.”

Susan snorted. “One step at a time. I hope that once she’s got a grandchild in her arms, she’ll mellow out some more.”

“Could be. I never thought of Edward as a warm and cuddly person, until the twins were born. And Julia just reduces him to mush. He really loves his grandkids.”

Susan looked skeptical. “Hrrm. I haven’t seen him in years, but I have a hard time picturing that.”

“Next time you’re in town, I’ll invite him over and you can see for yourself. He’s been spending more time with us lately, as the kids get older and more verbal; he loves talking with them.”

“Speaking of the grandparents, how’s your dad doing?”

Sarah sighed. “Probably about as well as could be expected. It’s only been a little over a year, after all. He keeps busy, and he babysits for us a fair bit.”

“And you?”

Sarah picked up her spoon and poked at the unfinished cookie dough. “I’m… as well as could be expected, too, I guess. Sometimes I’ll go for a whole day without thinking about her. Then something like today happens, where I keep wanting to call her up and ask her questions about her Christmas cookie recipes.” She put down the spoon and sighed. “Having to take care of the kids keeps me busy. Grounded. Though I’m sad that Julia won’t have any memories of mom, and the twins, hardly any.” She paused, then shook her head, and smiled at Susan. “But, enough sad stuff. This is a cause for celebration! What’s your due date?

“Twentieth of May. We tried to time it so the sprog would be born after spring term ends.”

“That was some pretty precise planning, professor. How’d you manage that?”

“A good fertility tester, a lot of sex, and a lot of luck.”

Sarah laughed. “Sounds like fun. I noticed you called the baby ‘they’ when talking to Teddy. Do you not want to know the sex, or have you just not tested it yet?”

“ _I_ want to know, but Marco doesn’t. We’re still discussing it, but for the moment, we don’t know.”

“How’s the morning sickness?”

“Just a little queasy now and then, nothing too bad. The tender boobs are the worst part, so far. Jogging is hell.”

“Just ‘a little queasy’? I’m jealous. I feel like I spent half my first trimester on my knees in the bathroom.”

“Yeah, I remember visiting you one weekend, and spending half the time sitting on the floor outside the bathroom talking to you through the door. When I wasn’t listening to you, uh…”

“Ugh, I’d forgotten that.”

“Wish I could. I was still struggling with my germ phobia, and being around someone puking their guts out 24/7 was somewhat nerve wracking.”

“I hope you’re fully over that now, because you’re about to enter a _world_ of puke and baby poo.”

“Oh, believe me, I know. I’m doing a lot better. I’ve even changed poopy diapers for friends, without freaking out.”

“Good. Well, if you breast feed, you and Marc can make the same arrangement Grace and I had—if you have to take care of all the input, he has to take care of all the output.” Susan laughed. “Although, with the twins, Grace ended up changing almost as many diapers as I did, anyway, out of necessity.”

“I’ll have to remember that one. Not sure how well it’ll play, but it’s worth a shot.”

“Did I ever tell you the best piece of parenting advice my friend Alex gave me?”

“I don't think so.”

“At some point after the baby is born, usually at around four to six weeks, when the excitement of ‘Wow! It’s a baby!’ is wearing off, and the bone-deep exhaustion from never sleeping more than four hours at a stretch has set in, you’ll have a dark night. A night when the kid just won’t stop screaming. No matter what you do. And you _know_ you love this child more than you love life itself, but, at that particular moment, all you _really_ want to do is toss that screaming little monster out the window. _This is a perfectly normal feeling_ , and you’re not a bad parent for feeling this way. Just, _don’t_ _act on it_. Gently put the screaming monster down in a safe place, walk away, wake up your spouse—because this almost always happens at around three a.m.—and sweetly say, ‘Honey? It’s _your_ turn.’”

“I’ll have to pass that one on to Marc,” Susan said with a grin.

“Oh, do. I’m sure it saved _my_ kids’ lives, on more than one occasion. Especially Elliot. God, he was a fussy baby.”

“But not Teddy?”

“Yeah, you’d think identical twins would be more alike, but they’re not. Thank god, in this case; I think two fussy babies at once would have really pushed us over the edge.”

“Any other sage advice, oh experienced mother?”

“Oh, geeze. I dunno, lots of things, all of which I’m sure you’ve heard—you can never have too many blankies or burp cloths, give up on the notion of having a spotlessly clean house for the first year or two, don’t forget to take care of yourself and your sweetie, et cetera et cetera. We should get together sometime to spend a weekend going over things.”

Susan looked wistful. “That would be nice. It’s been too long since we’ve just hung out together for more than a few hours. And I suspect my opportunities for doing such are going to come screeching to a halt for a while come next May.”

“Count on it.”

“How’s Grace doing? I assume she’s not at home, since you haven’t shouted out the news to her yet.”

“Hah. Correct as always, Holmes. She’s been at a ‘conference’ in Poughkeepsie the past few days; she should be getting home”—Sarah glanced at the time in the corner of the screen—“Any time now, actually.” As if prompted by the comment, a new window opened up on the screen, showing the interior of the garage. The door was opening, and Grace’s little electric runabout pulled in.

“Conference. Right.” Susan knew what Grace’s job was, and why Sarah couldn’t discuss it over an open phone. “Well, tell her I said hi, and give her a big hug for me.” Sarah laughed at that; though Susan had become a bit less uptight about physical contact over the years, the only time she gave ‘big’ hugs was over the phone.

“Will do. She just pulled in; do you want to hold on a minute and give her the news yourself?”

“No, you can tell her. Go welcome your wife home.”

“Okay. Thanks for calling, and, congratulations again. Hi to Marco.”

“Bye, Sarah.”

“Bye, Susan. Love you.”

“Love to you all.” Susan’s image winked out, and was replaced by the cookie recipe.

“Hello the house!” came Grace’s voice from the living room.

This was greeted with a trio of voices chorusing “Mama!,” followed by a clatter of footsteps. Sarah headed towards the living room, then leaned against the doorway from the kitchen and smiled, watching the reunion.

“Mama’s home! Mama’s home!” Julia crowed. She was first to reach Grace by virtue of having been on the ground floor, unlike the twins, who were thundering down the stairs. She wrapped her arms around Grace’s legs. Grace bent down and picked her up.

“Oh, it’s so good to see you,” Grace said, hugging her youngest and giving her a kiss on the cheek, which Julia returned enthusiastically. She stepped closer to the couch in practiced anticipation of the twins’ arrival. She allowed them to bowl her over onto the couch, laughing, and was buried under an enthusiastic pile of excitedly babbling children: the twins, almost as dark-skinned as Grace, with purplish black hair, and pale Julia, with purple-highlighted blonde hair.

“Welcome home, love,” Sarah said.

Grace looked up at her, her face alight with the pleasure of being with her family. “Hi, sweetie. I think they missed me.” She was getting kissed on both cheeks by the twins, as Julia tried to tell her about everything she’d read in the past few days.

Sarah laughed. “We all did, but I’ll refrain from crushing you all.”

“It was only three days!”

“Which is just about forever when you’re four. Or six.”

“Mommy’s being metterphorical,” Elliot informed Grace solemnly. “It didn’t _really_ seem like forever. But I missed you.”

“Met-a _-_ phorical,” Grace corrected automatically. “And I missed you, too, sweetie.” Elliot muttered the proper pronunciation under his breath a few times, and Sarah was certain he’d never mis-pronounce it again. Nor would Teddy, by some weird twin osmosis that she’d never figured out. Sarah sat down on the couch next to the pile of her loved ones, and pulled Teddy off of Grace and into her lap.

“I just got off the phone with Susan.”

“Yeah? How’s she doing?”

“Auntie Susan’s having a baby!” Teddy interjected excitedly.

“Really?” Grace looked to Sarah for confirmation, and Sarah nodded. “How wonderful for them.”

“ _And_ Mommy said the s-word when she found out!”

Grace bit her lips for a moment, as if suppressing a laugh, then said, “Well, that _was_ naughty of her, but that happens sometimes when we’re surprised.”

“Can I say it when _I’m_ surprised?” asked Elliot.

“No!” chorused his mothers, and all three children giggled.

“When’s the baby due?” Grace asked, as the giggles trailed off.

“Late May. I was thinking, we ought to get together with her sometime before then, to share our accumulated maternal wisdom.”

“ _What_ accumulated wisdom? Sleep twenty-four hours a day now while you have the chance, since you won’t be sleeping afterwards?”

“Don’t you sleep, Mama?” Julia asked.

“Of course I do sweetie, I was just being silly.”

“Oh.” Julia frowned, a thoughtful expression on her face. “I don’t _see_ you sleep.”

Sarah interjected hurriedly, “Well, I see her every night, angel, and I can assure you, she sleeps.” She dropped her voice to a faux-whisper and added, “And she _snores_ , too,” prompting another round of giggles.

Grace shot her a look of gratitude over the children’s heads for cutting off that line of inquiry. Unlike most parents, Grace and Sarah slept behind locked doors. Most especially unlike most parents, Grace shifted into a furry squirrel-human hybrid form before going to sleep at night. They had no desire to burden their children with secrets they wouldn't be able keep at too young an age. Since thus far none of the children had displayed any unusually strong affinity for magic, they were holding out as long as they could. But Sarah and Grace both knew it was just a matter of time before they had to have The Talk. _The Talk_ being their shorthand for the “Your Mama is a Part-Alien Part-Squirrel Shape-Shifter” Talk. Which they had hashed out and rehearsed seemingly a hundred times between them, never to their satisfaction.

“It’d be nice to see Susan,” Grace continued. “It’s been almost a year since we saw her last.”

“Mommy, are the cookies ready yet?” Teddy asked.

“No, sweetie, I was busy talking with Auntie Susan, and then _somebody_ sat in my lap, keeping me away from the kitchen.”

“I didn’t sit in your lap, you put me here!” Teddy protested indignantly, then he rolled out of her lap onto the couch, as if to free her to carry on baking. Sarah laughed and stood up.

“Well, I guess I’d better get back to the cookies, then. Boys, why don’t you help Mama take her suitcase to our bedroom.”

“I help too!” Julia protested.

“You can carry my portfolio, sweetie,” Grace said.

Sarah smiled as she watched Grace lead her her parade of ‘helpers’ back to their bedroom, then she returned to the cookie dough.

 

* * *

 

It was after eleven before Sarah felt ready to head off to bed. She was just about to say good-night to Grace, who was working in the living room, when she remembered she hadn’t cleaned the coffee pot yet. Sighing, she returned to the kitchen. She dumped the used grounds into the compost and cleaned the filter, getting it ready for the next morning’s brew. She was rinsing out the pot when the house chimed and said “Phone call from Edward Verres.”

Sarah was startled. She glanced at the time. Eleven twenty. Edward almost never called this late, and when he did, he usually called Grace. “Accept, in kitchen,” she said. Edward’s face popped up on the screen, looking somber; but then again, he almost always did.

“Hi, Edward. Is everything all right?”

“Hello, Sarah. No emergency. I just called to ask if I might come over for a chat with you and Grace.”

Sarah frowned. Although her relationship with Edward was cordial enough, it was almost entirely centered around the children. All of whom were long since in bed. Grace saw Edward almost daily at work, so this had to be something personal, if he wanted to discuss it with the both of them. “Uh, sure. That’s fine by me, let me just check with Grace.” She turned around, to find Grace already entering the kitchen from the living room.

“Edward?” Grace asked.

“Hello, Grace. I was wondering—”

“Yes, I heard. You’re welcome to come over, of course. What’s this about?”

“I’d… rather not say over the phone. If you don’t mind, I can be there in twenty minutes.” The timing implied he was coming from the office, not home, which was closer to forty-five minute away.

Sarah and Grace looked at each other, and Sarah shrugged and nodded. “That’ll be fine,” Grace said. “Have you eaten dinner?” Edward was wont to work without regard for his human limitations, much like Tedd had.

“Yes, I had a dinner meeting tonight.” For the first time, he smiled. “But I wouldn’t say no to some of Sarah’s Christmas cookies.”

Grace smiled. “Of course. We’ll be here, with sugary carbohydrates waiting.”

“See you in twenty, then.” He hung up without waiting for a response.

“Okay. Weird. What do you think _that’s_ about?” Sarah asked Grace.

Grace shook her head. “No idea. If it was tomorrow...”

“Ugh. Yeah.” Tomorrow was the anniversary of the incursion. After a couple of years of memorializing the event, Sarah and Grace had jointly agreed to do their best to just ignore the date, preferring to remember lost loved ones by their lives, not by the dates of their deaths. “Would you put on a kettle for tea?” she asked Grace, as she pulled down a plate to put cookies on.

 

* * *

 

But once he got there, Edward seemed to be in no particular hurry to address whatever it was that had brought him out at this hour of the night. They spent a good twenty minutes sitting by the fireplace just talking about the children, while nibbling on cookies and sipping mint tea. Just as Sarah was about to start questioning him as to the reason behind his visit, his watch beeped to mark the hour.

“Midnight,” Edward said softly. “It’s the twenty-first…”

Sarah arched her eyebrows; apparently the visit had something to do with the incursion after all. “What—”

Edward stood up, tea cup in hand, and walked over to the corner of the living room where a cluster of portraits hung on the wall. In the quiet of the room, the hum of servo motors in his prosthetic legs was especially noticeable. After a moment, Grace and Sarah got up and joined him.

There were four portraits, done in pastels, all Sarah's work. The first one was of Tedd. He was grinning out at the viewer, hair short as he’d worn it the last couple of years of his life. Sarah had redone it seven times over the course of two years before getting a version she was happy with, with his face completely androgynous. A stranger viewing the portrait would be hard pressed to say if Tedd was male or female, which was exactly what Sarah had been trying for. His smile was bright and infectious; it reminded Sarah of when he was happily explaining one of his newest theories.

To Tedd’s right was a portrait of Elliot, in a martial arts gi. Next to him was a portrait of Nanase and Ellen, arms around each other's shoulders. And to the right of the couple's portrait was one of Sarah’s mom, who had passed away from cancer some fourteen months previously. Sarah was still not sure if she wanted to re-do that portrait, but it served well enough for now.

The three of them stood, looking at the memorial wall, for several silent minutes. Edward put down his cup of tea on a bookcase and pulled a tissue out of his pocket to wipe his eyes.

“I never really understood my son,” he said quietly. “I mean, of course not intellectually—he was so far beyond me in his understanding of the theoretical workings of magic as to be almost laughable. But, also, emotionally. I never understood his need to spend so much time as a woman. I blamed myself, my marriage—maybe if Noriko and I had stayed married, if he’d had a strong mother figure in his life, he wouldn’t have had that need. And I _could_ see it was a need for him, not just playing around.”

“Edward—” Sarah began, but he cut her off.

“I know, I know; intellectually I know that you don’t become gender fluid based solely on your upbringing, any more than your upbringing can ‘make’ you gay. I understand that now. But I didn’t, then. At the time, he just… confused me. _Worried_ me. I was worried he’d get more bullied, that he was making his life harder for himself. Ultimately, I mostly just ignored it as best I could, and hoped it would go away someday.”

“I don’t think it ever would have,” Sarah said quietly.

Edward nodded. “Yes. I know.” He turned around to face Sarah and Grace. “You both somehow knew that. At some deep, emotional level, you understood him in ways I never could, and, more importantly, you didn’t judge him for what he was. Not only didn’t judge him, but you accepted and loved him.” He glanced once again at the portraits in the corner, then picked up his cup and went to sit back down in his chair. Grace and Sarah returned to the couch. Edward picked up a cookie, then put it back down on the plate. He sighed, staring at the plate of cookies.

“Every parent wants to be the perfect parent, the parent who knows exactly what to say or do to prevent or heal their child’s injuries or hurts, be they physical or emotional. But, and you may be beginning to learn this as your kids get older, no-one _can_ be a perfect parent; you can’t save your kids from all harm. Watching Tedd grow up, silent and isolated, I was saddened. And scared. Because nothing I did seemed to pull him out of his isolation, until that day William brought the TF gun to our house for repairs, and Tedd took over the project. He blossomed. He talked. But he also began transforming himself into a woman—well, a girl, back then. At first I put it down to adolescent curiosity, exploring the female body from within, but it was more than that. It continued, in situations where being female made no real difference. I didn’t know what to do or say.”

“Then you came along, Grace. To you, shape shifting was a fact of life. What Tedd did was ‘normal’ to you, and that helped ease his own mind, I think, in ways I never could have. And when you joined them, Sarah, I think it completed something in Tedd that he didn’t even know was missing. You weren’t a shape shifter; you were, pardon the term, Grace, normal; yet you loved him just the way he was, no matter what body he wore.” Edward finally looked up at Sarah and Grace, who were sitting together on the couch, watching him.

“Thank you for loving him, for accepting him, in ways I could not. Thank you for making him feel he was the wonderful person I knew he really was. Thank you for valuing him.”

Sarah felt a lump in her throat. In all the years she’d known Edward, she’d never heard this level of emotional honesty from him, not even after Tedd’s death. “Edward—”

He waved a hand to cut her off, and turned his attention back to the cookies. “I know you don’t need my thanks; you loved him for your own reasons, and his love was its own reward.”

“That’s not what I—well, yes, but—” Sarah shook herself.

“Why—” Grace began.

“Where is all this coming from?” He looked up at them with a sad, wry smile on his face.

“Well, I assume the anniversary brought up some memories—”

Edward snorted. “Oddly enough, no. Not directly. The date is just one of those weird coincidences that the universe occasionally tosses at us to keep the conspiracy theorists happy. This could have happened at any time, really, but I received a final report today. Well, yesterday, now.”

Sarah looked at Grace, who shrugged and shook her head. Whatever this report was, it wasn’t something that had come across Grace’s desk. But Edward was so many levels above her in the chain of command, that was hardly surprising.

“So.” He pulled off his glasses and polished them, causing Sarah a slight pang as she recalled Tedd doing that so many times with his own glasses. “I’ve… got a dilemma.” He put his glasses back on and looked at the two of them, Grace sitting at the end of the couch with Sarah curled up against her.

“What kind of dilemma?” asked Sarah after a minute, when it seemed like Edward wasn’t going to continue. “Is it something we can help with?”

“No… yes… well, you’re part of the dilemma. I’m not sure what’s the right thing to do…” He trailed off, and reached into his shirt pocket to pull out a small data stick. He turned it over in his hands for a few moments, then sighed and tossed it to Grace, who plucked it out of the air effortlessly. “Here. Dilemma resolved.”

“Ah… Okay. That’s nice. What is it?” Grace examined the stick, then passed it to Sarah. It had no markings, aside from a manufacturer’s logo.

“Tedd and Elliot’s last words.”

Sarah felt like the world had stopped for a moment, and wondered if she somehow had managed to cast a time-stop spell for the first time in over a decade. But the flames in the fireplace were still moving. It was just the three of them that had frozen.

“What… how?” whispered Grace.

Edward snorted. “Magic, of course.” He seemed angry for some reason, though not at them.

Sarah scowled and sat up straight. “That’s an answer that’s not an answer. Explain.”

Edward took a deep breath, visibly pushing aside, or perhaps letting go of, his anger. He gave her a crooked half-smile that reminded her so much of Tedd that it hurt. “You’ve got that ‘mom’ voice down pat,” he said.

“I should, I’ve been using it for years. Now, _explain_.” She realized she was clenching the data stick in her hand so hard that her knuckles were white and trembling. She set it down gently on the coffee table and flexed her fingers, trying to relax her hand.

“Well. You know that our old house, where the incursion took place, has been under study ever since then.”

Grace nodded. “The magical ‘residue’ warrants observation, as well as continued monitoring of the resultant thinning of the inter-dimensional world-walls.”

“Right. Well, six years ago a new woman joined the team who has a unique magical ability. She can see the past, and, with additional effort, can produce a projection of what she sees, so we can record what she sees. All the magical residue, as you called it, makes her ability at that site _extremely_ erratic; it’s taken this long to get reliable information on the actual days of the incursion. She’s only able to get brief glimpses, sometimes less than a second at a time, but over the course of the last six years, they’ve gotten pretty much all of the time between Lord Tedd’s initial incursion and the final… resolution three days later. They’ve stitched together all those individual seconds into something that resembles a coherent whole.”

Sarah felt Grace trembling, and turned to her. Her skin had lost its warm coloration, and was an ashy brown, almost green in tone. Sarah wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. Grace was rigid, muscles clenched, but she slowly relaxed a little in Sarah’s arms, and took a shuddering breath. “Okay. So. You’ve got a recording of Tedd... and Elliot’s. Last minutes. I assume it’s… not pretty.”

“Actually, it was remarkably… quick. For what it’s worth, they died almost instantly.”

“That’s not worth much,” Sarah said. Growled, almost.

Edward nodded bleakly. “Agreed. And I haven’t brought you _that_ recording, in any event.”

Sarah felt Grace shift in her arms, not exactly relaxing, but a bit less tense. “Then what _did_ you bring us?”

“Tedd and Elliot knew that Tedd’s plan was almost certain to result in their deaths. They took all the steps they could think of to try and survive, but they knew the odds were against them. That’s why, of course, they tricked the two of you into leaving them. They had a brief pause, of about five minutes, where they had nothing to do, and they spent part of that time recording messages. Those recordings didn’t survive, of course, but… now we have a recording of them making those recordings.” He pointed to the data stick on the coffee table.

Sarah shut her eyes and buried her face in Grace’s hair.

“Why?” whispered Grace.

“Why what?”

“Why did you bring this to us?” Grace’s voice grew stronger. “It’s been thirteen years. We’ve mourned. We’ve moved on. We’ve _healed_. This… this is just re-opening an old wound. Why would you do that to us?” She seemed more sad than accusatory.

Edward was silent, and Sarah opened her eyes and looked at him. He seemed to have slumped in on himself, looking smaller somehow, and she was struck by how old and sad he looked. _When did he get so gray?_ she wondered. He sighed, staring at the corner of the room where the memorial portraits hung.

“That… was my dilemma. I wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do, to show this to you. If it would just re-open old wounds, as you say, or provide you some additional closure. Ultimately, it seemed to me… you’re strong.” He turned back to them. “You have each other. You can choose to not view the messages if you don’t want to, or you can just read the text transcripts, if you don’t want to actually see them.”

“Have you seen them?”

“Oh, yes. I’ve seen everything. Many times. In exhausting detail.”

“So…” Sarah looked at Grace, who was staring at the data stick with tears in her eyes. She took a steadying breath. “In broad outlines. What did they say?”

Edward paused, as if gathering his thoughts. “Elliot… almost his entire message was to Ellen. He said goodbye and I love you, to you, and Ashley, and his parents; but most of his message was for Ellen. He knew she would be waking from her coma to a world where her lover, her brother, and one of her oldest friends were all dead. He… tried to encourage her. Told her to be strong. That she had to live for both of them. To take care of their parents.”

Sarah closed her eyes, tears trickling down her cheeks. An old familiar knot of guilt welled up inside her, stronger than it had been in years. “Ohhh…” she said, voice cracking. “I wonder…” She couldn’t finish the sentence. Grace hugged her tighter.

“Not your fault,” she reminded Sarah softly.

“I _know_ that, dammit!” Sarah snarled through her tears. Then she collapsed against Grace, burying her face in her shoulder. “Sorry, sorry, sorry, love, sorry, it’s not you, I’m sorry…”

“I know, sweetie, I know.”

“I was her oldest friend. I should have—” She stopped herself, took a deep breath, and sat up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Therapy didn’t make the guilt go away, it just helped me understand it wasn’t _really_ my responsibility. The _feeling_ … is still there.” She glared at Edward. “Just not usually this... strong.”

“I’m sorry,” said Edward softly. “I don’t know if this message would have made any difference to her, but… we’ll never know.”

They all were silent for a minute, thinking about Ellen, then Grace asked quietly, “And Tedd?”

“Tedd… he said goodbye to me, apologized for not finding a, a less fatal way to… fix the situation.” Edward’s voice cracked, and he paused a moment, taking a deep breath. “He apologized to the two of you, for tricking you into leaving them, but said he wasn’t _really_ sorry, so long as you lived. The rest of his message was… essentially a love letter. About all the things he loved about you two.”

Sarah had been holding it together by a thread up until then, but at that, she broke down sobbing. She curled up into a tight ball around the pain in her stomach, head in Grace’s lap, and Grace wrapped herself around Sarah and joined her in tears.

“Oh, I still miss him,” Grace whispered, her voice thick with tears. “Miss him so much.”

“Me too, love. Me too.”

Sarah heard Edward get up and move around, but she didn’t look up until their tears trickled off a few minutes later. He placed a box of tissues on the table in front of them and refilled their tea cups. He took a few tissues for himself and sat back down in his chair, blowing his nose. Sarah sat up and grabbed a handful of tissues, handed half to Grace, and they both did likewise. Sarah took another tissue and wiped her eyes and cheeks, then took a sip of tea to clear her throat. “Thanks,” she said grudgingly to Edward.

He nodded, and sat waiting as the two women composed themselves.

“So…” Sarah began. “Is that it? Was there anything else?” Her tone was a bit harsher than she’d intended, but she didn’t amend the question.

“Not in the recordings, no; they were cut short by the arrival of Lord Tedd, and… the execution of their plan. But… I wanted your help—I have a question for you.”

Sarah and Grace looked at each other. Sarah wasn’t sure she really wanted to help, or answer any questions from Edward just now, but Grace asked “What do you want?”

“You weren’t the only ones Tedd and Elliot addressed in their messages. There was Ashley, and the Dunkels. Do you think… Should I pass this on to them, too?”

Grace stared at the floor, sipping her tea. “We haven’t heard from Ashley in eight or nine years. I’m not sure how to answer that. I think…”

“No.” Sarah said flatly. “No, to both.”

Grace turned to her, looking faintly surprised. “Why?”

“Ashley took Elliot’s death hard. She was a long time recovering. I think part of the reason she dropped out of touch with us was to get some distance from the events, to heal. I can’t see how this would help her, especially if the message from Elliot was as short as you implied.”

“It was, pretty much, just ‘I love you, and I’m sorry I have to do this'. Not exactly those words, but not many more words than that. Like I said, his thoughts seemed mostly focused on Ellen.”

“So, no, I don’t think you should pass that on. As for Karen and Jack, it would just hurt them. I think in many ways Ellen’s suicide hit them harder than Elliot’s death did; at least Elliot died for a cause, a hero. They… we…” She paused, took a breath. “They felt so much guilt over not being able to help her heal, not being able to… save her. Hearing Elliot encouraging her, wondering how things might have been different if she could have heard that, tormenting themselves with more ‘what if’s—” Sarah shook her head, staring bleakly at the data stick, and Grace nodded slowly in agreement.

“It would just be cruel, unless there was some more deeply personal message for the two of them?”

“Similar to your and Ashley’s messages, it was just ‘I love you and I’m sorry I have to do this,’ very brief,” Edward said.

“Then I agree with Sarah; no to both.”

Edward nodded slowly. “That was my conclusion, but I wasn’t… I wanted a second opinion. From someone who knew them. Thank you.”

Sarah nodded stiffly.

Edward stood up and said, “I’ll leave you two alone with this, then, to make your choices. Unless you want me to take it back with me?” He gestured to the data stick, still sitting innocuously on the table by a plate of cookies. Sarah and Grace both shook their heads, then each looked at the other, confirming that they both wanted the same thing. “Right. Well. I’m sorry to have dropped all this on you this late at night. Take tomorrow morning off, Grace; I’ll let Estefania know you’ll be in late.” He looked uncomfortable, then added to Sarah, “I guess I’ll see you Christmas morning. If… I’m still welcome?”

“Yes,” Grace said. “Of course you are. The children are expecting you. And, Edward?…” He turned back from the entryway, one hand on his coat hanging there. Grace stood up and walked over to him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Thank you. I know this couldn’t have been easy for you. I can’t imagine if one of our kids…” She trailed off, then pulled him into a hug. He stood there stiffly, hands down at his sides, but he closed his eyes. After a few moments, his hands slowly came up and he returned the hug awkwardly, tears slowly trickling out from under his glasses.

Sarah watched them embrace, ashamed of her anger. What must it have been like for him, to study those recordings over and over? If she’d had to watch recordings of one of her children’s death… she shuddered. She watched as Edward trembled in Grace’s arms, like he was fighting back his tears, and she tried to let go of her anger. _Not his fault. He’s doing the best he can._ She sighed, and, not for the first time, reflected that Grace forced her to be a better person. She couldn’t quite bring herself to join Grace in hugging him, but she did say, “Yes, thank you. It’s… better to know. Than not know.”

“Yes,” Grace agreed.

Edward nodded, then released Grace and stepped back, forcing her to let go of him. He put on his coat and picked up his cane while staring at the floor, not meeting their gazes. Then he simply said, “Good night,” and left.

Grace stood at the door, watching him go, and Sarah joined her, wrapping her arms around her from behind, looking out the door over Grace’s shoulder. “That poor man,” Grace said softly, then closed the inner door as he disappeared around the corner of the house.

Sarah let go of Grace, and they turned around, to stare at the data stick, an innocent looking sliver of metal sitting amongst the tea cups and cookies. Sarah blew out a breath, and said, “Right. Well, let’s get this stuff cleared away. I don’t think we’re gonna want to do dishes after watching that.” She wasn’t sure if she was being pragmatic, or just stalling, and she really didn’t care.

Grace gave a little huff of agreement, and they turned to the domestic tasks. Grace pocketed the stick as they cleared the table, sensitive as always to not leaving confidential data just lying around.

Dishes done and the house locked up, out of habit they went upstairs to the children’s rooms, to look in on them before going to bed themselves. Teddy and Elliot were in their bunks, Elliot in the top bunk this week. Sarah reached up and pulled his blanket up over him. He opened his eyes part-way and murmured “Mommy,” before slipping back into slumber. Teddy was curled up at the foot of the lower bunk, buried in a nest of blankets like a little squirrel, as was his wont. Sarah knew that the twins’ genetic heritage was purely human, as had been tested many times, but sometimes she felt like Grace’s essential squirrel-ness had slipped through some undefinable, non-genetic path to the children she’d borne.

Julia was sprawled on her back across her bed like a little blonde starfish, snoring a delicate little snore that always made Sarah smile. Grace managed to tug the edge of the comforter out from under her to re-cover her without waking her up. They both kissed Julia on the forehead, then headed back downstairs to their room.

Sarah locked the bedroom door while Grace placed the data stick on the TV’s read pad. “Brush teeth first?” Sarah asked. Grace hesitated a moment, then nodded. The two women performed their nightly ablutions, which in Grace’s case also included shifting shape to her natural form. Realizing that they would be sitting up in bed to watch the vid, Sarah put on a flannel nightshirt to keep warm.

Grace pulled the keyboard off the shelf beside the TV before getting into bed. It took Sarah a moment to figure out why: of course, Edward would never carry around sensitive data on an unsecured data stick. Grace would undoubtedly need to enter her access codes to view the recordings.

Sarah paused to look at herself in the bathroom mirror just before turning off the lights, and was shocked to see how pale she was. Holding still for a moment, she realized her heart was racing, and her stomach roiled with tension. “Fuck, I’m scared,” she muttered. Grace, of course, heard her.

“Me too, sweetie. Well, more nervous than scared.”

Sarah climbed into bed and fluffed up the pillows so she could lean against the headboard. Grace turned on the TV, then proceeded to unlock the data stick, using both verbal and typed access codes to confirm her identity. She pulled up the file list, which had a single video file and a single text file. She looked at Sarah. “Ready?”

Sarah wrapped her arms around Grace, and nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” Grace clicked Play.

The first thing Sarah noticed about the video was how jumpy it was. It was worse than an experimental film student’s exercise in jump-cuts: the angle, distance, and elevation of the point-of-view shifted every one to ten seconds, in no discernible pattern. But most of the shots were centered around Tedd, sitting at his work table in the ruined remains of the basement rec-room that he’d called his lab. At least each individual shot was steady, but they changed so frequently it barely mattered.

The first few seconds were quiet, except for the sounds of Tedd and Elliot’s tools as they worked on a device sitting on the workbench. That, and the almost sub-sonic hum that emanated from the interdimensional rift. Sarah shivered at the sound; she’d almost forgotten about that over the years. The sound also jumped around a little with the cuts, but it seemed like someone had done some work on that to try and equalize the audio track to a consistent level.

_“Okay. Got it,” Tedd said._

_Elliot held up a component. “Don’t you need this?”_

_Tedd shook his head. “No, no, remember—”_

Sarah paused the playback; it happened to be at a particularly clear shot of Tedd’s face, in profile, with Elliot’s chest visible in the background. Sarah recognized the eviscerated remains of a couple of TF guns on the workbench in front of him, but beyond that, everything was a mystery to her.

“I don’t know if I can watch this without getting nauseous, it’s so jumpy. My god, they look so young.”

“Maybe close your eyes, just listen to it? Or do you want to read it instead? There’s a transcript file here too.”

“No, I… want to hear their voices. I want to _see_ them, too, but the jumpiness…” she shook her head. “It doesn’t bother you?”

“No.”

“Lucky squirrel.” Sarah laid her head on Grace’s shoulder, and asked “If there are any particularly clear shots of either of them, could you screen-cap them for me?”

“Of course.”

“Then… I think I will just listen. At least for now.” She shut her eyes, leaning against Grace.

Grace resumed the playback.

* * *

Tedd snipped a wire with his wire-cutters, then sat back, rolling his shoulders. “Okay. Got it.”

Elliot held up a component. “Don’t you need this?”

Tedd shook his head, “No, no, remember, I said I was gonna’—”

“Oh, right, yeah, sorry.”

“No prob. That does it.” He took a deep breath, flipped a few switches, then exhaled and leaned back in his chair. “Good, good. Now we wait.”

“How long?”

“Uh.” Tedd bent forward to examine a few read-outs on the make-shift looking device, then said, “About—five or ten minutes to full charge, I think. The magic energy density has been fluctuating so wildly around here, I can’t tell exactly how long it’ll take.”

Elliot turned a chair around and sat on it backwards, resting his arms across the back. “What do we do if they show up before it’s fully charged?”

“Stall them. Delay.”

Elliot snorted in disbelief. “Stall them? With what, Cheerleadra’s magical mammaries? My dazzling wit?”

Tedd grinned. “Sure, tell them some jokes. Even megalomaniac interdimensional conquerers must love stand-up.”

Elliot barked a short laugh. “Shit, I knew I should have taken that Improv elective.”

“Hey, when comedians talk about killing it—”

“More like, dying on stage.”

“Yeah.” They both fell silent as their attempt at humor fell flat. Tedd took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

Elliot looked around the rec room, which was barely recognizable under all the debris and rubble, then back to his friend. “We’re going to die here, aren’t we?” he asked quietly.

“Don’t ask me that.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause I don’t like lying to you.”

"Fuck, Tedd, if we’re gonna’ go, at least tell me we’re gonna’ take these assholes with us.”

"I’m pretty sure this will work.”

" _Pretty_ sure?”

"What? It’s not like I’ve ever done this before. I’m making it up as I go along.”

"Shit.” Elliot stared broodingly at the floor. “We _are_ gonna’ die.”

"Gee, thanks for that vote of confidence.”

"I didn’t mean it like that—”

"Sorry, yeah—”

"I’m just tense—”

“Me too, me too.” Tedd put his glasses back on and leaned in to check a reading, then sat back with a tired grunt.

“How much longer?”

“Dunno. I didn’t have time to rig up a progress bar for this thing while throwing it together. Still in the five to ten minute range, I think.”

“Well, that’s something you’ll need to include on the next revision.”

Tedd chuckled bleakly. "We’ve got some time to kill here, waiting for it to charge. I want to record a quick message to Dad, and Grace and Sarah. I’m not sure, but I think the blast should mostly affect magical materials. Our non-magical hardware should survive intact. _Relatively_ intact.”

"Uh, yeah, good idea. You got anything I can use to record?”

"Here, use my phone. I’ll use my computer.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

The vid paused for a moment, and a caption appeared at the bottom of the screen, “FOCUS: T. VERRES” 

* * *

Tedd opened a webcam program and clicked the Record button. “Uh, is this—right, there we go. Famous last words, take one. Hell. Where to start? Um. Hey, Dad. Sorry I wrecked the basement. Well, I didn’t, but my evil overlord counterpart did, so I guess I _kinda_  did.” 

He closed his eyes and shook his head, a look of annoyance on his face. “Cut the crap Tedd, these really may _be_ your last words. Stop joking around. Right.” He opened his eyes, took off his glasses, and stared into the web cam’s lens.

“So. Dad. I know this isn’t something we say a lot, but—I love you. I’m sorry I can’t figure out a way to defeat my evil twin that doesn’t involve blowing myself up. I mean, we’re gonna  _try_ to get out of here, but—I don’t think it’s gonna play out that way. Sorry. Really, really sorry. In more ways than one. Take care of Grace for me, will you? Love you. Um. And, ah, give my love to Mom?” He paused, and wiped at his eyes.

“Second message, to Grace and Sarah. Hey, there, beautiful ladies. I love you. Uh, I’m sorry we tricked you into leaving us. Elliot and I disagreed about that.” Tedd glanced over to the corner where Elliot was sitting cross-legged on the floor, phone held up to his face as he spoke urgently into it.

“Elliot thought we should just tell you the truth, but—I know you. You wouldn’t have left us if we’d told you the truth. And, sorry, but we don’t really need you here for what we’re about to do. So. Sorry I lied to you. Sorry that one of the last things I ever did with you was lie to you.” A brief grin flashed across his face. “Well, not the _last_ thing; the last thing I did was kiss you both good-bye and tell you I love you, and, believe me, _that_ was no lie. So, no, actually, I’m not _really_ sorry I lied, because it means you’re not here. About to die with us.” He shut his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

“God, I hope this works. I really want to see you again. I want to grow old with you. Have kids with you. A whole passel of Grace-and-Sarah-and-Teddlings. Um, I suppose this is a lousy time to say that I was waiting until we graduated to ask you both to marry me? I love you. So very much. I really _really_ hope this works. I’d hate to die for nothing. If this doesn’t work, Lord Tedd may be coming for you soon enough, and all I’ve done is maybe given you a few extra days. But… I’ll take that. Maybe those few days will be enough time to get other magical defenses into place, call in reinforcements from around the globe to save you, to save the Earth.” He shook his head.

“That sounds so melodramatic, doesn’t it? ‘Save the Earth’, but that _is_ what we’re talking about. Saving the Earth from my evil twin, in my basement lab. Hey, if I _do_ live through this, maybe I can get some extra credit for that with Professor Sato, what do you think?” His smiled flashed again, briefly. “Or, maybe not. She’s a pretty tough grader.”

“So. Yeah. I love you. I wish I had the time to say that a million more times, because that’s about what it would take to tell you how _much_ I love you both.”

He paused, looked down for a moment, then looked back into the webcam. “Grace, my sweet squirrel, even if I did live with you another hundred years, I don’t think I could tell you how much you mean to me. When we tell people the story about you showing up on my doorstep, the focus always seems to be about me saving you. But the truth of the matter is, you saved me just as much. You accepted me for what I am, and somehow you know me better than I know myself. You brought giddy joy and laughter to my life. And it was you who was brave enough to lead us to open our hearts to Sarah, making our world so much richer. I love you.”

Tedd took another breath, looked down again for a moment, then back up. “Sarah, my beautiful love. You’ve been a friend for years, and my lover for far too short a time, but I’m blessed to have been with you. Your groundedness keeps me rooted in the real world, and not just the cerebral one I too often inhabit. Your capacity for, and appreciation of, art and beauty has made my life richer, and made me a better person. You were brave enough to join our weird little triad, which I am so, so grateful for. I love you.”

“I’m so glad you’ll have each other to turn to when I’m gone. I just—”

An shrill electronic beeping interrupted him, and he turned to a monitor on his desk. “ _Shit_. Elliot! Incoming!” He turned back to the camera and said, hurriedly, “Love you.” 

* * *

Motion on the vid paused for a moment, and a caption appeared at the bottom of the screen, “FOCUS: E. DUNKEL”. The scene reverted to a few minutes before.

* * *

 “…good idea. You got anything I can use to record?”

“Here, use my phone. I’ll use my computer.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

Sarah opened her eyes as she heard Grace tap the keyboard to stop playback. She had problems seeing at first, through the tears standing in her eyes, but she wiped at her face with the back of her sleeve. Glancing at the screen showed her a wide view of the basement from ceiling level, showing the tops of Tedd and Elliot’s heads, and the caption at the bottom of the screen.

“I think… that’s enough for now,” Grace said, her voice husky. Sarah looked at her to see tracks of tears running down Grace’s face, where she’d been silently weeping while watching the message. Sarah pinched her sleep shirt’s cuff between her fingers and palm and used the cuff to gently dab at Grace’s face, drying the fine fur on her cheeks.

“Yeah. Elliot’s message can wait.” Sarah grimaced at the thought of it. It promised to be a different kind of pain to listen to that one, but she knew she would, for Ellen’s sake. Eventually.

“Maybe in a few days,” Grace echoed Sarah’s thoughts. Sarah nodded.

“That one… doesn’t feel as urgent. Maybe… Maybe I’ll read it, first.”

“Good idea.”

Grace shut off the TV, placed the keyboard on the bedside table, and turned to Sarah. Sarah wrapped her arms around her, and they slid down in the bed so they were lying down instead of sitting up.

Grace’s wrapped her arms and legs around Sarah, in a whole-body clench. Her hold on Sarah was gentle, but her limbs were trembling. Sarah knew that tremble meant Grace was restraining herself from hugging Sarah with all her considerable strength, an act which they unfortunately knew could crack Sarah’s ribs. It had been years since Grace had felt the need to exert that kind of control. Sarah’s strength was nowhere near Grace’s level, so she returned the embrace hard, squeezing her arms tight around Grace for a minute. She slowly let up on her grip, and moved her hands to dig into Grace’s rigid muscles, trying to relax her. Even Grace’s tail, normally twitching and expressive, was stock still.

“Oh, my love…” Grace whispered. Sarah had no idea if Grace as addressing her, or Tedd. Or both. Not that it mattered. Sarah didn’t know if it was because Grace had watched the visuals instead of just listening to the recording, but the experience seemed to have hit Grace harder than it hit her. She was shaken and saddened, but not as much as Grace. Sarah continued to massage Grace’s muscles, trying to encourage them to unknot, as she murmured quiet wordless reassurances to her wife.

Eventually, Grace gave a final, whole-body shudder, and her grip on Sarah relaxed, her limbs going limp. She took a deep breath, held it, then exhaled slowly. She unwrapped herself from around Sarah, and flopped over onto her back. Sarah propped her head up on her elbow and stroked Grace’s face gently. The corner of Grace’s mouth twitched in a sad attempt at a smile for her.

“Sorry,” Grace said.

Sarah shook her head. “You’ve nothing to apologize for.”

“Did I hurt you?”

“No, you were very careful. I’m fine.” Grace’s ear kept flicking, a little nervous tic that Sarah hadn’t seen in over a decade. It caused a little pang in her heart, of sympathy for her love.

“You want to talk about it?” Sarah asked gently.

“I… there’s not much to talk about. You heard it all.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I know how you're feeling about it.” She stroked a hand down the length of Grace’s torso, smoothing her fur as she might a cat’s, something Grace usually found calming. “Was there… did I miss something especially awful, in the visuals?”

“No, nothing awful. The opposite, really.” Grace closed her eyes for a moment, then looked up at Sarah. “Like you said. They were so damn young. And the look in Tedd’s eyes, when he was addressing us directly… there was so much love there. So much. It almost drowned out the fear that was lurking there too.”

Sarah shuddered.

“He was being so brave,” Grace whispered. “He knew he was going to die, but he was determined to do what he could to save us. He…” She trailed off, closing her eyes.

“He _did_ save us,” Sarah reminded her. “Saved the world. Even if the world doesn’t know it, or appreciate it, _we_ do.”

“Yes.” Grace was silent for a minute, then said, “I’m not really looking forward to having The Talk with the kids, but—once they know. That magic is real. Then we can _really_ tell them about their father. All the stories we’ve had to censor. We can tell them about his passions, his brilliance, his skill. About his bravery.”

“And Elliot can finally hear more about his name-sake, too,” Sarah added. “Protecting Tedd until the very end.”

“Yes. That too. You didn’t see, but at the end, when Tedd shouted ‘Incoming’, Elliot transformed, assumed his battle form quickly, so quickly, faster than I’d ever seen him shift before.”

Sarah closed her eyes and swallowed a lump in her throat at the thought of her old friend diving into battle, protecting his best friend, buying time for Tedd to save the world. Then she opened her eyes and cleared her throat, forced herself to smile.

“And… we can tell them about their father’s foibles too. Like the time he turned me into a cat-girl for a week by accident.”

Grace laughed a little a that, as Sarah had hoped she would. “Yes, well, we wouldn’t want them to get the mistaken impression he was perfect.”

Sarah lay back down and snuggled in to Grace. Her emotions were a jumble, and she was too wired to sleep. The bedside lamp was glaring in her eyes, which prompted an idea. 

“Would you like a candle to meditate on?” Sarah asked quietly.

“That… might be nice,” Grace said.

Sarah rolled to her side of the bed, and pulled a candle and a lighter out of the drawer of the bedside stand. She reached over Grace to set it up on Grace’s bedside stand, and lit the candle. Once it was lit, she turned off the lamp, then peeled off her nightshirt and tossed it to the floor.

Grace lay on her side facing the candle, and Sarah curled up, spoon-style, around the smaller woman. She automatically brushed Grace’s furry antennae out of her face before wrapping an arm around her waist. Sarah stared at the flickering flame, and her hand absently stroked at Grace’s belly fur, taking comfort in the familiarity of the soft texture.

Sarah struggled to pull her own fractured emotions back into place by focussing on the purely physical: Grace’s fur on her skin, her scent filling her nostrils. She stared at the flame and counted her breaths. Gradually she relaxed and re-centered herself. She was still a bit too wired to sleep, despite the hour, but her emotional state was settling down into something approximating normal. Grace seemed to be settling down too, her breathing becoming steady and slow. Her ear flicked less and less, then eventually stopped.

Sarah was reviewing the evening’s events when something that Edward had said about how the recordings were acquired struck her.

“Grace...”

“Yes, sweetie?” Grace’s voice was slow and soft.

“Have you thought about… that woman’s time-viewing abilities. Do you think she viewed any of the days _before_ the incursion?”

Grace shrugged. “She probably did, if her control is as erratic as Edward said… _Oh._ ” Some of the tension that had drained from her body returned. _“_ Oh, dear. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Yeah.” Sarah made a little noise of disgust. “Now there’s probably a bunch of recordings of the last time the three of us made love stored in a government database somewhere.”

They pondered that notion in silence for a few minutes, both staring at the flame.

“Should we ask Edward?” asked Grace finally.

“What? _God_ , no!” Sarah shook her head. “In this case, I think ignorance truly is bliss; I’d rather not know.”

“You wouldn’t want… to see them?”

Sarah paused. “I… see them?… No. No, I wouldn’t.” She propped herself up on her elbow so she could look down at Grace’s face. “You?”

Grace grimaced, and squirmed around so she was flat on her back, face turned towards Sarah. “I’m of two minds.”

“Why? To me it just sounds painful. I have my memories. Seeing it live—especially if it’s as jumpy as the other recordings were—just sounds, well, awkward.”

“We don’t have many videos of Tedd. Sometimes I regret that we were such atypical millennials. Most of our friends have pretty well documented adolescences.”

Sarah snorted. “We don’t have any _sex_ vids at all. I hope. If you want to see more vids of Tedd… ask Edward for other footage from the week leading up to the incursion. I’m sure there’s a fair bit of it.” She thought of some of the other sexual encounters the three of them had had in that rec room, and groaned. “Gods, I wonder how far back she went? I _hope_ it was mostly confined to the time around the incursion.”

“ _Aaaoooooo_ …” Grace howled softly, with a sly little grin. Sarah was delighted to see that little smile.

Sarah poked her in the ribs. “I was _trying_ not to think of that, thank-you-very-much. Fuck. Well, she’s probably seen weirder, with that ability. I just hope Edward hasn’t seen anything.”

“Unless it was relevant to the incursion, I’m pretty sure he’d avoid watching that kind of recording. He’s an honorable man. As well as being a parent.”

“Ugh. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to watch my kids’ sex vids either. So… did you just want to see more vids of Tedd? Or was it specifically the sex vids you wanted to see?”

“No, not the sex. Just Tedd.”

“Seeing him tonight…”

“Yeah.” Sarah lay back down and slipped her arm under Grace’s head.

“You ever wonder if our triad would have lasted this long, if he’d lived?” Sarah asked softly.

Grace looked surprised. “No, not really. I can’t imagine life without you. And if Tedd were still here… I’d feel the same way about him.” She gave Sarah a curious look. “You?”

“I… don’t know. That fall, with the two of you off at MIT, and me at RISD, that semester apart was tough on me. I don’t know if I could have survived a full four years apart from you without something in our relationship… _changing_ in some fundamental way. At least you two had each other.”

“Oh.” Grace digested this for a moment. “I hadn’t realized it was that hard for you.”

Sarah shrugged. “I was just so happy to see you guys, at winter break; it never seemed to be the right time to bring it up. And then…”

“Yeah.” And then the time for talking about it was over.

Grace turned towards Sarah and wrapped an arm and leg around her tightly, and said, “Well, I choose to believe we would have lasted forever. I certainly intend to stay with _you_ forever.”

Sarah smiled, and kissed the top of Grace’s head. “Me too, love.”

Grace’s grip on Sarah loosened, and her breathing slowed. Sarah contemplated blowing out the candle and going to sleep, but one last major question lingered for her.

“Grace…”

“Hmmm?” Grace sounded like she was almost asleep. Sarah hesitated a moment before continuing, but she was pretty sure that if she didn’t address this now, it might be ages before she worked up the nerve to broach the subject again.

“Have you ever thought about… having another child?”

Grace pulled back from Sarah a bit and blinked at her. “Um. Say _what?”_

Sarah bent her head to give Grace a quick kiss. “I was just thinking. Because of Susan’s news.” She blew out a breath and brushed her bangs out of her eyes. “We’d talked about having a kid of our own.”

“We _have_ three kids,” Grace pointed out. “Three very wonderful kids.” She had her head propped up on her elbow and was watching Sarah with a serious expression on her face.

“Yeah, but, I mean, specifically you and me. Our original plan was for each of us to bear a child with Tedd as the father, then a third child with me as mother and you as the father.”

“I remember. But after Julia was born you said three was plenty, and we should stop. You didn’t exactly have an easy pregnancy.”

“I know. I know. But…” She leaned over and gave Grace a gentle kiss, then pulled back to stare into her eyes. “I love you _so_ much. I want… I’ve _always_ wanted. To see what a child of ours, made from you and me, would look like.”

“Oh, sweetie.” Grace smiled at her, her eyes bright. She leaned forward and kissed Sarah back. For a few minutes they just snuggled together, exchanging slow, loving kisses. Not trying to arouse, just conveying love. Sarah pulled back with a happy sigh, and looked at Grace again.

“Maybe I’m nuts. Maybe I just needed four years to fully forget how miserable pregnancy was, but… something about hearing Susan’s news just brought this all back to the forefront. It made me think, if _she’s_ not too old to have a kid, then neither am I. Are we.”

“We’re thirty-two. That’s not old. But it seems like we just got _done_ with diapers. You sure you want to start that process all over again?”

“Ugh.” Sarah lay back and stared at the ceiling for a few moments. “Diapers… no, not really. But, diapers seem to me to be a small price to pay for what comes with them. Teddy and Elliot and Julia are all so amazingly wonderful; what would a child of you and me be like?”

“No less wonderful, I’m sure.” She brushed Sarah’s hair back out of her face and stroked her cheek. “Is this only because of Susan?”

Sarah was quiet for a while. “No.” She shook her head. “It was also that message from Tedd. And… the date.”

“The date?”

“The incursion.”

“Yes, I assumed that’s what you meant. But what does that have to do with you making a baby with me?”

Sarah sucked in a breath and flushed. “God, you sound so sexy when you say that. Making a baby with you…”

Grace laughed quietly and gave Sarah another quick kiss. “Sounds pretty sexy when you say it, too. But what does the incursion have to do with it?”

“I’m not… totally sure, myself. It’s not very logical.”

“Feelings rarely are.”

“Yeah, yeah. But… The incursion. Tedd and Elliot, and Nanase. And Ellen. So much death. Making a new life, creating a new life. It just feels like the right response. Four lives to balance four deaths. A big ‘fuck you’ to all that death.”

“Okay. Not _exactly_ what I was expecting.”

“…Sorry. Was that too weird?”

“No, no. It’s… It's not exactly how _I_ would have phrased it, but—I feel something of the same thing.”

Sarah smiled. “So. What do _you_ think of us having another child?”

Now it was Grace’s turn to stare into the distance, thinking. “I can’t say it hasn’t occurred to me, now and then, over the years,” she admitted quietly. “But, I’m highly aware it would be _you_ carrying the child, and… you were so miserable while pregnant.”

“Yeah. But the end result was worth it.”

Grace smiled. “True.”

“And though it was uncomfortable, it was never dangerous; I didn’t have any medical complications.”

“Yes… but I’ve never really considered it seriously because I couldn’t imagine asking you to go through all that again. Especially since you’d already said, ‘enough, we’re done.’”

“But now I’m the one suggesting it. Volunteering for it. Does that change your thinking about it?”

“Hmm.” Grace put her head back down on the pillow and snuggled in to Sarah, and was silent for a couple of minutes. Sarah was just starting to worry about what Grace’s silence meant when Grace moved. She rolled Sarah onto her back, and lay on top of Sarah, staring down into her eyes with a gentle smile on her face. “Sarah Brown Verres, my beautiful wife, I love you so very much.”

Sarah’s breath caught, and she smiled back, happy tears welling in her eyes. “I love you too.”

“Making huge life-changing decisions just hours after we’ve received an emotional shock is probably not the smartest thing to do, but nonetheless—do you want to make a baby with me?”

“Oh, God, yes. Yes, I do. Do you?”

“Yes. More than anything. So, I guess there’s only one thing left to do.” She leered cheerfully. Sarah was a little surprised that she felt an answering flush of heat in her loins, despite the hour, and all that they’d been through that night.

Then an annoyingly pragmatic thought occurred to Sarah. “Nuts. My period just ended two days ago; I won’t be fertile for another week or two.”

“Okay. That gives us time for two things.” Grace bent and slowly traced her tongue down the side of Sarah’s neck, causing her to gasp.

“Two things? What two things?”

“One, time to re-consider this rationally, in the cold light of day, when we’re not emotionally strung out.”

Sarah snorted. “Probably a good idea, yeah. But I don’t intend to change my mind. Or let you change yours. What’s the second?”

Grace’s smile widened as her body began to lose its fur, and her breasts disappeared as her pecs firmed up and her shoulders widened, shifting into a human male form.

“It gives us plenty of time to practice.”

Sarah laughed as she felt Grace’s erection pressing against her thigh. “I think I remember how; it hasn’t been _that_ long since we’ve made love this way.” She thought back. “Well… maybe a few months.”

“Or six.” Grace moved down to lick Sarah’s nipple, eliciting a soft moan.

“ _Umm_ , that’s nice. Six? Really?”

“Really. But don’t worry. I hear it’s just like riding a bicycle. Only a _heck_ of a lot sexier.”

Sarah laughed. “I love you, silly squirrel.”

“And I love _you_ , beautiful wife.”

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
